Skunk season

It's that time again! 

You've seen them...those little black furry things stuck to the road.  The black, white pink mélange that is as sure a sign of the coming spring as the robins in the back yard.  The pungent odor that can seep through watertight doors.  Yes folks, the skunks are back!

Last night, Lou, our otherwise cute cat came in the house after a close encounter of the odiferous kind.  After abject panic I managed to throw him back outdoors to enjoy his predicament for the remainder of the evening. As I considered my plans for the next morning, I washed my hands in spaghetti sauce (we don't keep an emergency supply of tomato juice handy...maybe we should take this up with Tom Ridge), throwing out the meatballs.

When I got up this morning, I considered the waste of perfectly good tomatoes, and found this recipe for de-skunking your pet.  Warning: Try this at home only when absolutely necessary!

Cleaning solution ingredients:

• 1 cup water
• 1/2 cup baking soda
• 1 tsp dishwasher soap
• 1 qt. 3% hydrogen peroxide solution
• 1 case beer/wine (optional)

Get one bucket for the solution, one for rinse water, and optionally, one more to wash the little beast in.  Get a wash rag and several towels.

Change into grungy clothes.

Get your significant other to help...put him/her in grungies too.

Mix the solution, plop your dear kitty/poochie/pickapet into the wash tub, and scrub him with the wash cloth, being careful not to get the solution into his eyes.  Dunk dear kitty/poochie/pickapet into the rinse tub...ignoring the open wounds that have suddenly appeared on your hands and wrists.  Rinse him well and transfer to towels.  Rub him dry and lock him in the boiler room where he can dry off in a warm place, without infecting every piece of upholstered furniture.

Drink heavily, then shower.

March 6, 2003

Warm toes

With Thanksgiving day football games drawing near with the promise of snow on the ground we need a strategy for enjoying the game while keeping all our digits on our hands and feet.

Simple....Layering!

Wear a pair of nylon dress socks against your skin, under a pair of cotton or wool socks.  The nylon helps wick moisture away from your feet, keeping your toes warm and toasty.

A thin pair of gloves under mittens will do the same.  You can find polypropylene glove liners at sporting goods or ski shops.

Three Little Words

I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone solicitors weren't able to call people at home during dinner hour.  But that doesn't make it any more pleasant.

Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a telemarketing operation that would stop the nuisance for all time.

The three little words are "Hold On, Please." Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time-consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt.

When you eventually hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.  This might be one of those articles you'll want to e-mail to your friends.  Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting.

Twice the Junk

When you get ads in your phone or utility bill, include them with the payment let the companies throw them away.  When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2^nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right?

Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes.  Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.  Send the pizza coupon to Citibank.

If you didn't get anything else that day then just send them their application back!  If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.  You can send it back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing!  Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting their junk back in the mail.

Let's let them know what it's like to get junk mail, and the best of it is that they're paying for it.  Twice.

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